


Nightmares

by orphan_account



Series: The Memories of a Memory [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Domestic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-05 00:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5353283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke had more than a few anxieties, and they weren't just about parenting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Impromptu shmoop. Here is Rey as a baby!

Luke had faced death countless times, but nothing ever scared him more than the baby in his arms. She was small and pink and wouldn't stop screaming. Her tiny fist wrapped around his pinkie finger as he swayed her back and forth in the crook of his arm.

Wedge returned to the nursery with a warm bottle of formula. Luke sagged in relief as Rey finally quieted down to eat, and eased into the rocking chair beside her crib. Wedge leaned against the arm of the chair and reached down to stroke Rey's forehead with the back of his hand.

"You're doing great with her," he told Luke.

"I'm kind of terrified," Luke admitted, gently bouncing Rey in his arms. "I can't believe we ever agreed to have a baby."

"Too late to back out now." Wedge pressed his lips against Luke's temple. "You're fine."  
"Except my family doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to fatherhood," Luke muttered. He hadn't meant to say it, and turned closer to his daughter to evade Wedge's concerned look. "Nevermind."

"Luke..." Wedge sighed.

Luke chose not to respond. He set Rey's bottle on the floor and lifted her up to his shoulder to burp her. She giggled and tried catching the locks of hair curling at his shirt collar. "C'mon, Rey," he reprimanded, "just puke for me." His eyes burned when her tiny hand got ahold of his hair and she laughed harder.

"I think she's saying you need a haircut," Wedge said, thankfully dropping the dad issues for now.

"But you like it long," Luke said.

Wedge raked Luke's bangs back. "I'm kidding."

Rey hiccuped and vomited. "Hey!" Luke exclaimed. "You did it." He lifted her up and wiped her mouth off. She spluttered saliva in his face, and his chest blossomed with warm endearment.

The holopanel in the kitchen pinged with an incoming call. Wedge groaned and walked to the door. "I got it."

Luke moved to the window with Rey, grateful for the silence. As much as he loved his husband it was also nice spending time alone with Rey, who never demanded anything more than her binky and peek-a-boo. The Corellian tide was visible from the window, frothy and low in the midsummer heat. Seagulls dipped up and down against the waves.

"I grew up on a desert," Luke whispered, still watching the sea. He glanced down at Rey. "I'm glad you don't have to. You don't wanna grow up like I did."

Rey stared up at him silently.

"I lived with my aunt and uncle. Gods, Aunt Beru would've gone nuts over you." His throat closed. "Uncle Owen would've had a wrench in your hand before you could walk. I had a best friend named Biggs," he added. "He would've been your godfather... Shit." He lifted his shoulder to wipe his eye. Rey cooed, as if she noticed his distress. Maybe she did.

"I swear," Wedge said from the hall, "I'm going to cut the comm link if the lieutenants don't stop calling over the stupidest things."

Luke hastily turned, mouth quirking in a forced grin. "Can't live a second without General Antilles, huh?"

Wedge frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Luke dismissed. He handed Rey off. "I should go. I promised Leia I would that report of the temple ruins."

"Luke--"

"Don't worry."

Wedge followed him to the front door. Luke spun around and kissed him on the cheek. "I won't be long."

"Are you going to be alright?"

"I just need to blow off some steam."

Wedge scowled. "You're freaking me out."

Luke leaned against the doorframe. "All I need is to think a little."

"About what?"

"Being a father, for one."

Rey nervously looked between them both.

"I feel like this should've been taken care of earlier," Wedge said.

Luke grabbed the doorhandle. "I'll just meditate for a bit."

"Then do it here," Wedge insisted. "Go out back. Don't leave again."  
  
It was a low blow and they both knew it.   
  
"Is your answer to everything going off alone?" Wedge asked.

"That's how it's usually played out," Luke snapped. "Being the last of the Jedi and all."

"Give me a break," Wedge scoffed. "Where would you be if Han wasn't there on Hoth? Or   
if Leia hadn't helped you when you told the truth about your father? Or if I didn't stop you from killing yourself?"

"Killing myself?" Luke repeated. He glanced at Rey furtively and lowered his voice. "I never--"

"You have no idea what you looked like. You weren't eating or sleeping, and you lost so much weight--Luke, Leia was about to restrict you to the medical bay if I hadn't stepped in."

"You think you're so high and mighty, don't you?" Luke hissed.

"I cared about you," Wedge said. "Goddamn it. Rey doesn't need to hear this."

He walked back to the nursery while Luke stormed out of the back door and stood at the shore, hands shoved into his pockets. The sky was sinking toward a bright auburn and the wind tossed his hair. Wedge arrived a few minutes later with his pant legs rolled up to the knee and the baby monitor's speaker clipped to his belt. They stood in silence for a moment, the tide washing up to their ankles.

Wedge spoke first. "I thought with the Alliance winning back all the occupied planets, things would get better. I had my first break in years. There was so much I wanted to do. Then you got obsessed with finding the Jedi, and I knew someone had to come with you so you wouldn't work yourself sick." He glanced up at Luke. "You were my friend. The worse you got the more I think I fell in love you with you. It was terrifying. I wanted to help. It was never out of some--some need to prove myself."

"I know," Luke said hoarsely. "I don't know why I said that." The static from the monitor crackled between them.

"She's asleep," Wedge clarified. "I think eating tired her out."

Luke smiled.

Wedge took his wrist. "What's going on? You've been acting strange lately. I know it's not just Rey." He stiffened. "Are you having those dreams again?"

"They never really went away," Luke admitted. "I just got better at hiding it."

"The medication--"

"It's the Force." Luke lifted his head to meet Wedge's gaze. "Something's changing."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Wedge stepped closer.

"I wasn't sure."

"What do you mean? You're always sure."

Luke dropped his forehead against Wedge's chest, surrendering to his arms. "I've been having the same dream over and over," he confessed. "You and Rey--you're both dying, and there's nothing I can do--" He stopped. Wedge brushed his hair back from his face. "I can't even sense her, Wedge. I feel you and everything else--hell, I can feel Leia across the galaxy, but I can't feel my own daughter."

"It has to all be in your head," Wedge murmured. "Or maybe she isn't Force-sensitive."

"She has my blood," Luke said fiercely. "Sometimes when she smiles at me, I feel this spark, and I know it's her. She can't control it. Even if she wasn't, I can still sense you."

"She's just an infant," Wedge consoled. "There's no way of knowing whether or not she's part of the Force yet."

"I'm her father!" Luke fisted his hands on top of Wedge's chest. "I have to be able to do   
this, or else my dream--"

"It's a nightmare, that's all--"

"It isn't!" Luke shouted. "Jedi don't just dream. It's stronger than that. It has to be from the future!"

His anguish and panic were stark against the light of the sun. He tore away from Wedge, crossed his arms, and forced himself to breathe. When he looked back up his features were coooly trained to that damned Jedi pragmatism. "I can't put you and Rey in danger. I need to learn what's wrong with the Force."

Wedge wanted to slap the look off of his face. "The Force!" He laughed. "This isn't about the Force. It sounds like it's about you and your own fears, but you're just pushing me away, as always."

Luke grit his teeth. "I'm trying to keep you safe."

"No you aren't," Wedge countered. "You're hiding! Every time something is wrong you run away to deal with it on your own until I force it out of you. And by then you're so stubborn in whatever delusiosn you've come up with I can't even help at all. I'm your husband. You've got to stop this."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Luke said.

"I know, I promise." Wedge touched his shoulder. "Listen to me: Rey needs you, yes. Here. With her and me. Not out controlling the Force."

"But--"

"It's unstoppable. If it's going to happen, it'll happen. If we're together when it does, then things will be alright."

"All I do is hurt people," Luke whispered.

Wedge stroked his cheek. "You aren't responsible for everything just because you're the last Jedi. No one is asking that of you."

Luke nodded reluctantly. Wedge kissed him. The sun set.

Later that night Rey cried from the nursery. Luke awoke and rolled out of bed before Wedge could hear her. He padded down the hall, picked her up from her crib, and walked out to the deck where it was cool and quiet. He sat down in a chair and bounced her on his knee.

"Hey, it's alright," he murmured. She grabbed his finger with both of her tiny hands and slowly started to calm down. Luke wiggled his finger and she giggled.He laid back in the chair and she crawled up his chest. "You're silly," he said. She smiled and patted his face. He kissed her nose. "You don't think your dad's crazy, do you?"

She laughed again. Luke heightened his perceptions, but still couldn't find a trace of her in the Force. It was as if there was a gaping hole in the web of energy. Maybe Wedge was right, and it was all in his head. He ran his hand up and down Rey's back and tried not to think about it. She didn't know about the Force, and whether or not she was sensitive wouldn't affect her now. She just needed to go back to sleep.

Luke fell asleep with her. Wedge gently shook him awake sometime later, when the sky was lightening to lilac. Luke startled, nearly dropped Rey, and blinked up at Wedge. "What time is it?"

"Six or so. I woke up and you were gone."

Luke rubbed his eyes. "Rey was crying and I brought her out here."

Wedge grinned and slowly picked her up. "Come inside. I'll make pancakes."

"I want extra strawberries," Luke said, peeling himself out of the chair. There was a huge kink in his neck.

Wedge opened the door, Rey sleeping against his shoulder, and Luke stumbled after them, still half-asleep.

"I love you," he said, leaning against the kitchen counter. He poked Rey's cheek. "You too."

Wedge snorted. "Don't wake her up."

"Hey," Luke protested, catching him by the hem of his shirt. "I told you something."

Wedge leaned down. "Didn't quite catch it."

"I love you," Luke repeated.

"Oh. That." Wedge kissed him slow. "I love you too."

The pancakes were really good; so were the extra strawberries on top.


End file.
